09.03.23
My last night in Rockport on my “clarity break” trip to clear my head. I had no idea how important this would be for my mental health. I just knew I needed a break. Not from Brent, not from my life in Austin/Dripping Springs, not from friends and family. Just a break from everything I’ve done for the last eight years. I’m fucking exhausted. And sad. My heart hurts in a way I didn’t think was possible. But here I am.
Rockport is where I spent so many summers of my childhood. Usually with my aunt, uncle, and cousins. Sometimes with a friend (or friends) my parents let me bring. I remember sunshine, suntans, sunburns & aloe vera, fishing, boating, crabbing, crab boils or fresh fish, hair that literally only has the perfect beachy waves at the coast (no matter how much “salt spray” you use at home), laughter, love, and peace. Worries were washed away, and we were just here for family and fun. That’s what I came down here for - those memories.
Maybe this was a “see you later” to Carol and Frank. Even though I grew up in Arlington, this is where I feel closest to them. It’s been years since I’ve been down here, but I’m grateful I had the chance to come. I didn’t realize how tied-in I was to Rockport - I just knew I had to come. And I’m so happy I did.
I stayed in a cute little AirBnB condo that overlooked a canal with monstrous houses on the other side, & there was a channel out to the bay. My hostess was super sweet & gave me a list of restaurants to try and things to do. Of course, I pulled into the parking lot to unload and fuck, I forgot my dad’s fishing pole and tackle box. 🙄 $200 at Walmart later and I was set with a rod & reel, tackle box, bait, a fishing license, & various other accoutrement. I picked up some groceries, too, because (a) nothing is walkable, and (b) I wasn’t sure how much I’d feel like going out and people-ing.
I learned many things while I was here.
Rockport operates on “island time” times ten. If you go out to eat, you are most definitely not paying for the food, drinks, or customer service. You are paying (a pretty penny) for the view. (Though I did have some amazing Kimchi fries at a sports bar watching the UT game.)
“Island time” extends to Walmart. You will consistently run into the same slow-ass meandering people on every fucking isle. It’s an excellent exercise in patience & idle chit-chat.
I learned exactly nothing from fishing with my dad except for how to bait a hook and how to cast & reel. The first time I cast my line, I was terrified I’d actually catch something.
My dad made it look so easy. Just grab your pole & some bait and go fish! LIES. You need so much shit to go fishing. Rod & reel, extra line just in case, a tackle box with lures, bobbers, hooks, gloves, a knife, bait, a flashlight, a bucket, a net. And when you’re on the second story, you’re hoofing all of that down to the finger piers to fish.
My knot game is knot strong. YouTube college helped. Marginally.
Gafftops are dicks. They steal your bait, and when you actually hook one, they barb you like the little assholes they are when you try to set them free.
The ocean is peaceful and vast. And a little terrifying - both for its power and for whatever creatures are swimming below you that you can’t see.
Setting up your paddleboard for the first time is an ordeal. There is zero way to be graceful trying to carry it, or getting on & off of it. My balance sucks. (I didn’t fall in, but I came close.)
I’m a terrible packer. I know I mostly live in a swimsuit when I come to the beach/bay. I packed an obscene amount of stuff for two days (& two half-days). You would have thought I was staying for a month.
Fishing for me is not about catching fish. It’s about sitting quietly and still. It’s about being outside. Sometimes it’s about thinking, and sometimes it’s about thinking about absolutely nothing & just listening to music.
I fished, I swam & soaked up the sun, I SUP’d in the canal and channel to the bay (I chickened out to go out into the bay), I thought, I wrote, I read, I cried a million tears, I had some good conversations with random people who seemed fascinated that I was there by myself. And ultimately, I healed & found some inner peace. That’s the closest I’ve felt to my parents in a long time - they were there with me. I’m grateful.
