It's Fine. I'm Fine. Everything's Fine.

"I just want to go back to the first two incredibly scary & uncertain weeks of covid when we got to stay home & do chalk drawings in the driveway in peace."

March 2020. Those were the first two weeks since my dad passed in 2015 that I felt like I had a chance to breathe. I think that was actually the first time I truly started to grieve. And then the world turned on its head, and I feel like I haven't stopped to breathe since. But it catches up to you....

Today, I'm trying to finish our taxes (mine & Brent's, Sold Sign LLC - my biz, and my mom's), trying to purge & pack (garage sale next weekend), getting docs out to clients & listings on the market, find off-market properties for my buyers who are having a tough time, and learning the in's & out's of GiveSmart (our new software for The Equality Alliance). But my chest feels like it's in a vice, and tears just keep welling up in my eyes for no specific reason. First-world problems all day long.

Last week we were coming home from some friends' house. I was in the passenger seat looking at my phone. We were on our street, Brent braked, & there was a thump. I asked what it was. He said he hit a possum. When we pulled into the driveway, I asked if he thought it was dead. He said he wasn't sure. I asked him to go back & check because I didn't want it to suffer. By the time he got back (he said yes, it was probably instant), I was inconsolable. He kept apologizing, but I wasn't and am not upset with him. I'm upset that it's just a little critter trying to live its life - and we're destroying their homes. And my existential crisis is that I'm in a career that literally contributes to that. I don't know how to reconcile that. People need homes. But so do critters. 😕

This seems disjointed, but I'm emotionally exhausted today. My mom's not doing well, and I'm simply peopled-out. I have clients who need me. I have family & puppers who need me. I have friends who need me. I try to be the cheerleader. Always. But today my heart hurts. I'm tapped out.

The people smiling, the people who always try to lift you up, don't forget that they have struggles, too.

If you need me, I'll be in my driveway - making a chalk drawing.